Sunday, May 12, 2013

Why Mother's Day Still Sucks ~ A post from my infertile heart...

I have the honor of waking up every morning to two precious little girls that have changed my world. Despite that fact, today was very difficult for me. I spent this morning's church service in the little lobby area reserved for crying babies. This morning it hosted a crying mommy.

Most of you know that we struggled with infertility for awhile both before and after the birth of our daughter, Mackenzie and struggled even more with the loss of our son, Jack. Understandably, Mother's Day was a huge struggle for me.

After we turned to adoption and brought home our daughter, Avery, you would think that my love/hate relationship with Mother's Day would have resolved itself. I mean, Mother's Day is a celebration of mothers and I'm a mother...right??? My head says yes; my heart screams no.

In addition to missing my son, I struggle this year with the thought of next year. Will we be celebrating another little one in the family or will we still be waiting? Even if we have had the honor of bringing another little one into our home, I know that my heart will break for their birthmother the same way my heart breaks for Avery's. Knowing the sacrifice and pain that she endures so that my wish and dream of mothering another little soul could come true is humbling to say the least.

Yes, I'm a mother, but I struggle with knowing that I can't bring new life into this world and I grieve over that fact. In order for me to welcome another baby into my home, another woman will find herself in an impossible situation with an impossible decision to make. I pray for her every day when I pray for Avery's birthmom. I pray that she knows that she is loved and that one day she will understand the depth of our gratitude for her decision.

Ours is not a perfect world, the brokenness that we all struggle with every day is a reminder of that. But even within that, its amazes me to see the ways that God has taken the brokenness in our life and the brokenness in other's and knit together a story more amazing that any story I could have written for myself. I am humbled and honored that God has allowed me to be a mother and I rest in the knowledge that His plan for me is perfectly His.

Post again soon,

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Paper Chasin' (the act of collecting every solitary piece of paper that confirms your identity and proves you are physically, financially, emotionally and in every other capacity capable of raising a child)...

I don't know why this is taking us so long....
From what I remember, paper chasing was the longest step last time too (other than waiting). Either this is really heinous or we're just really bad at signing paper lol!!!

Hoping to have it done soon...

In the mean time we're having fun documenting life as it is now. Love these pics from our recent photo shoot with our dear friend Mike - and his wife Ann seriously made me sob with her amazing words. Hope on over and take a look at these awesome photos. Can you say profile pictures!?!?!

Post again soon!!