Christmas Conflicted

New Year’s Resolution….blog more!! LOL!!

Sorry for the recent silence but our Christmas season was insanely busy!!! We managed to make it through the holidays mostly unscathed, presents are put away, tree is still up but its days are numbered!! I’m happy to report that I had many less meltdowns than I thought I would. It was definitely tough though. It seemed like everything that we did around the holidays, part of me was thinking about how differently it would have gone if Jack was still with us. It really, really made me miss my little man. At the same time part of me was also thinking forward to next Christmas. Will we have another little one in the family or will we still be waiting to add to our family?

As I sat back and read that last statement it occurs to me how weird of a situation we are in. I can’t even describe the feelings that are warring within me. I feel so conflicted grieving for my son while looking to add to our family. Despite that I do feel that God is continuing to affirm our decision to adopt.

On a more pleasant note, Christmas was happily celebrated at our house. We had an awesome Christmas Eve service at our church that I played in. It was very interesting because there was only child care for kids 3 and younger so Mackenzie, her friend Maya, and quite a few other kids were in service, some for the first time. The highlight of the service (for me anyways) was when Mackenzie came up to the stage during a song to ask me if she could have a cookie. Everyone got a kick out of it and I almost had to stop playing because I was laughing so hard!! After service we enjoyed a nice meal at a local Italian restaurant with some of our good friends from church before heading home to prepare for Santa’s arrival.

Christmas day was great. Mackenzie slept on the floor in our room and woke us up early to see what Santa brought. Once the presents were out under the tree we realized just how much she had. Luckily Santa is lazy and does not wrap his presents! She actually stopped at one point with presents under the tree and said she would “Save those for later”. We finally managed to get everything opened and put away. We actually spent part of Christmas Eve morning cleaning up her room to make space for everything we knew Santa was bringing.

That next week my dad came into town and on Thursday we went to the Magic Kingdom…along with everyone else in central Florida!! It was soooo busy and despite the “holiday season” not everyone was in a magical mood. We stayed a lot later than we had planned on but had a great day. Mackenzie even rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad which is a roller coaster that even scares me!!

New Year’s Eve was kind of low-key. We had some friends over to celebrate with food and fireworks. We managed to make it to midnight and bid Adios!! to 2010. I must say I was not entirely sad to see it go.

I’m really looking forward to 2011 and to seeing what God has planned for our family in the upcoming year. Can’t wait!!

Post again soon….I promise…
~Jeny