Why Mother's Day Still Sucks ~ A post from my infertile heart...

I have the honor of waking up every morning to two precious little girls that have changed my world. Despite that fact, today was very difficult for me. I spent this morning's church service in the little lobby area reserved for crying babies. This morning it hosted a crying mommy.

Most of you know that we struggled with infertility for awhile both before and after the birth of our daughter, Mackenzie and struggled even more with the loss of our son, Jack. Understandably, Mother's Day was a huge struggle for me.

After we turned to adoption and brought home our daughter, Avery, you would think that my love/hate relationship with Mother's Day would have resolved itself. I mean, Mother's Day is a celebration of mothers and I'm a mother...right??? My head says yes; my heart screams no.

In addition to missing my son, I struggle this year with the thought of next year. Will we be celebrating another little one in the family or will we still be waiting? Even if we have had the honor of bringing another little one into our home, I know that my heart will break for their birthmother the same way my heart breaks for Avery's. Knowing the sacrifice and pain that she endures so that my wish and dream of mothering another little soul could come true is humbling to say the least.

Yes, I'm a mother, but I struggle with knowing that I can't bring new life into this world and I grieve over that fact. In order for me to welcome another baby into my home, another woman will find herself in an impossible situation with an impossible decision to make. I pray for her every day when I pray for Avery's birthmom. I pray that she knows that she is loved and that one day she will understand the depth of our gratitude for her decision.

Ours is not a perfect world, the brokenness that we all struggle with every day is a reminder of that. But even within that, its amazes me to see the ways that God has taken the brokenness in our life and the brokenness in other's and knit together a story more amazing that any story I could have written for myself. I am humbled and honored that God has allowed me to be a mother and I rest in the knowledge that His plan for me is perfectly His.

Post again soon,
~Jeny

Paper Chasin' (the act of collecting every solitary piece of paper that confirms your identity and proves you are physically, financially, emotionally and in every other capacity capable of raising a child)...

I don't know why this is taking us so long....
From what I remember, paper chasing was the longest step last time too (other than waiting). Either this is really heinous or we're just really bad at signing paper lol!!!

Hoping to have it done soon...

In the mean time we're having fun documenting life as it is now. Love these pics from our recent photo shoot with our dear friend Mike - and his wife Ann seriously made me sob with her amazing words. Hope on over and take a look at these awesome photos. Can you say profile pictures!?!?!

http://blog.mikebuoy.com/2013/05/orlando-adoption-photographer-pighetti-famil.html

Post again soon!!
~Jeny

Dreaming....

Last night I had my first adoption dream since we started the new adoption. I dreamt that we were being considered by an expectant mom who was also considering another family. It had a very "game-show" feel to it and I remember actively campaigning for our family. The bizzare part was that the family that was chosen would have to live in the expectant mom's house....which was haunted....and filled with lizards....

Hmmmm....I'm pretty sure there is something wrong with my brain.

On that note - here is the latest adoption update. We submitted our formal application which was approved and have moved on to the ginormus stack of pre-home study homework! I had forgotten how much of it there was! We are working our way through it but before you ask, because I know you want to, no - I have no idea how long it is going to take.

I'm still relatively calm about it, but I know at some point that will fall apart and I will become a blubbering bundle of nerves. Can't wait for that!! Mainly I'm just really excited. I can't wait to bring another little person into the house. Tiny little fingers and toes - just makes my heart melt.

Just.
Can't.
Wait...

Post again soon ~ Jeny

Notice anything different????

::Hint:: check out our adoption timeline ;-)

Deatils (and by details I mean obsessive details intersperesed with neurotic rambilings) to follow....

~Jeny

Created for Care Recap!

I've been putting off this post, partly because I don't think that there are enough words to cover everything that I experienced and partly because I'm tired of crying. Like seriously 3 straight days of it - I went through an entire cube of travel tissues. I don't know why I cry so much I just do...it's my gift I guess.

To go through everything that happened last weekend would probably be way too long here so I will try to just hit the highlights :)

We went up on Thursday which was a day early and I am SOOO glad that we did because it was great to have an extra day to relax. The resort was absolutely gorgeous (and really cold!!) and I got to spend some really sweet time Friday morning sitting on our little patio (in flannel pajamas and wrapped in a quilt) overlooking the lake and watching the sun rise. Friday night was check-in and our first main session which was amazing. Let me tell you - worshipping in a room with 450 mommas all with a heart for adoption was incredible....and we got to do it several times!!!

The breakout sessions on Saturday were amazing also. I did one on fundraising, marriage and haircare. I could probably write an entire post on each of these sessions. Another great experience was the date with God which I did Saturday morning. What a moving experience that was! God really used that experience to reassure me to rest in His calling for me. What was amazing moment it was to hear those same words repeated from stage the next morning and AGAIN in church this very morning!!!

Let me tell you, I am so incredibly blessed to be called to this ministry to support domestic adoptive families. Everyone that we talked to commented on the fact that there are just not enough resources and grants for domestic adoption and I totally agree - that's what started us on this journey in the first place. Can't wait to see what the next few months have in store for Called to Adopt!! :)

Post again soon!!
~Jeny

Created for Care

So excited about heading to the Created for Care retreat this coming weekend!! I've talked to several people who have gone and they said it is AMAZING!! I'm really looking forward to spending some time with other adoptive mommas and learning better how to serve other adoptive families.

The other awesome thing is that Called to Adopt will have an exhibitor table there. It's such a big step for "our little" organization!! I probably won't have any time to blog while I'm there, but I will be updating our facebook page www.facebook.com/calledtoadopt and trying to update twitter also @Called_to_adopt.

I'm also looking forward to meeting so many of the mommas that I've "met" through the blog-world. Post a comment if I should be looking for you!!
Post again soon!
~Jeny

The wrong path...

Sometimes you have to go down the wrong path to realize you're going in the wrong direction...

Our foster care classes have come to an abrupt end. After much discussion and prayer we have decided that foster care is not the direction that our family needs to be heading right now. There was a lot that went into this decision, but we are 100% confident in our decision.

That being said...

since we aren't done expanding our family...

We're adopting again!!

Well, my newsbox is now empty...post again soon!!
~Jeny :-)