Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Apparently I am having one of those days. You know the kind, where you wake up and everything seems to be going well, but as more things start to add up you realize that maybe you should have stayed in bed.

I finally decided to call the agency to see what was up with the homestudy. (Last time I spoke with them the Admin Asst said that the lady that would be doing my homestudy would be out of town until yesterday but would call me when she got back to schedule our appointments.) Today when I called she told me she wasn’t sure who would be doing our homestudy but that they were really busy and would call me at some point, but if they didn’t get it scheduled before the class (IN APRIL!!!) that it would be ok. I don’t know exactly why, but as I hung up the phone I started crying. I was just so frustrated. I keep trying to remind myself that it is God’s timing and His timing is perfect, but apparently patience is just not in my skill set. Grrr…..

The icing on the cake actually came later that night at Mackenzie’s ice skating practice. I struck up a conversation with one of the other moms that was new to the class. As she pointed out her kids I noticed that it was pretty obvious that they were adopted. This naturally led to a conversation about adoption and I shared with her about our upcoming adoption. I was expecting an uplifting conversation with a like-minded individual…I was wrong….very, very

Evidently her trigger word is Domestic (her children were both adopted from Guatemala). Up until that moment I had yet to meet someone so adamantly opposed to domestic adoption, nor had I met someone so intent on making their own opinions known. She shared with me her horror story about their failed domestic adoption with a shady agency and despite my reassurance to her that we are dealing with a very reputable agency with great references from others who have used said agency, she continued to overwhelm me with her negative comments.

What was entertaining about the conversation was her husband standing right behind her trying his best to not only change the subject but provide positive stories about domestic adoption. It was all I could do to keep my mouth shut and not say anything mean back at her. Shortly after this lovely conversation she and her husband went off to another area and we didn’t speak any further.

Sad to say, but I’m still struggling with her remarks. I’m trying very hard not to take them personally and trying to understand that she has obviously been hurt and probably doesn’t get that her comments were hurtful as well. Part of me is wondering why I even let this lady rain on my parade but that dark place in the back of my mind is wondering if she’s right. I hate that dark place. It’s evil and spiteful and always has to throw in its two cents. In this dark place resides all of my insecurities, my guilt, my shame and my brokenness. It festers there feeding on all of the bad things that have happened to me and all of the wrongs that I perceive people have done to me. Needless to say this is NOT a happy place. Ultimately I need to remember that my identity is not wrapped up in this adoption, my kids, this lady's negativity or anything else of this world. My identity is found in Christ alone. He is my rock and only He knows the plans that He has laid for me.

"For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

Ok, enough whining; now enjoy a cute pic of my cute kid ice skating :-)

Post again soon (perhaps when I am in a better mood??)

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